We all want some form of connection. Communication is one of the key ways we connect with others. Being able to give and receive form the core gifts of connection. When we are able to have our needs met in our connections it is so powerful and affirming. Yet these gifts often get lost… in critique, comparison, proving who is right and even in compliments and praise.
Non-Violent Communication (NVC), developed by Marshall Rosenberg offers a way to return to the basic gifts of connection and communication.
The gifts of giving, asking and receiving in heartfelt, non-judgmental ways (He labels Giraffe language), allows us to un-entangling ourselves from the hurtful behaviors of trying to control, critique and judge others (he labels Jackle/Wolf language) that often escalate us into conflict.
He boils down the basic forms of communication as “Please” and “Thank You.” That we can see what others communicate as “Please – meet this need” and “Thank you for meeting this need.” When can recognize this, we are not as easily sucked into the critique, comparisons and pain of others. He encourages recognizing our core needs and humanity in interacting with others.
Two things distinguish nonviolent actions
from violent actions.
First, you don’t see an enemy and second,
your intention is not to make the other side suffer.
Rosenberg provides a simple structure as to how to name the situation, the impact on us, and make a request based on our need. He describes how to recognize and remove the conflict triggering language such as, judgments, critic, comparisons and praise. Doing so allows us and others to hear and respond, in ways that increases the likelihood that everyone’s needs are addressed. His methods and theories are used in interpersonal, school, business, political and settings.
Please join us for a workshop Saturday, March 16th, from 10:00 – 12:30. It will be lead by a local expert who uses it as a teacher in school and to support adults in the community Mrs. Onarina Magri. In addition to her knowledge of the topic, I also appreciate her humor and easy going style.
Want to know more? Here is a 10 min video of where he describes the purpose of NVC and gives examples where and how it is used effectively and ineffectively. Rosenberg’s Video
Or want to read more about it. His introductory book is: Non-violent Communication: A language for life, by Marshall Rosenberg
There are also many other longer informational videos available on you tube or the internet for your perusing pleasure.